Calm Down, Dearest – Music Writers Wigging Out In Print

Sometimes, music writers get a bit carried away with themselves – even the good, professional ones. Music is supposed to get you fired up and excited, and the best music writers out there are also the biggest and most knowledgeable fans – but it’s still pretty funny when they lose it in print. These are some of my favourite linguistic wig-outs of the last week or so:

 

“Like the stirring scenes of suburban Texas in Terrence Malick’s The Tree of Life, these songs find meaning in daily mundanities– in houses and gardens, phone lines and street lights, names carved in trees and leaves pressed by footsteps.”

Marc Masters’ may be on the brink of tears in his review of Days by Real Estate (he gave it an 8.7 out of ten – Pitchfork, 18 Oct ‘11)

 

“a ponderous ballad that starts out tranquilly before gliding across a luscious carp of xylophone chimes, strings and dashing, deep seated percussion. This penchant for musical toploading is Svanängen’s party piece, but it’s occassionally wearisome; his inability to resist the lure of a slow fruition can be as tiring as it is magnetic.”

Billy Hamilton’s letters-per-word ratio doubles overnight after his review of Hall Music by Loney, Dear (he gave it a 7 out of ten – Drowned In Sound, 19 Oct ‘11)

 

“grizzled… old… cold, hard, industrial… strange… mad… rusty… old… vintage… untaxed, uninsured… unstoppable… essential… wild… rattling… turbocharged… reckless… textured… shot… off-kilter… corroded… vintage… mournful… cracked… crooked”

Helen Brown gets her adjective freak ON in her review of Bad As Me by Tom Waits (she gave it five stars out of five – The Telegraph, 20 Oct ‘11)

 

“Paul Epworth’s production is impeccable throughout; showing again what a canny, culturally-aware mind can do with Welch’s big-hearted melodies and eccentric spirit – this time channelling Bowie, Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf, Fleetwood Mac and Spiritualized.”

Camilla Pia wants you to know about all the stuff she’s ever learned, as well as her opinion on Ceremonials by Florence And The Machine (she gave it four out of five – The Fly, 28 Oct ‘11)

 

“a sputtering, cacophonous masterpiece, the unhinged id to the comparatively orderly ego of fellow Washingtonians Minor Threat”

Not sure whether sixteen minutes of hardcore by Void warrants a Freudian reading by Hank Shteamer in Pitchfork, but… ok, whatever (Pitchfork, 28 Oct ‘11)